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What Types of Business Plans Piss Me Off

As an IT entrepreneur and career coach, I receive dozens of business plans every other day. Some are phenomenal, some are just okay, and some downright make me wanna jump out of the window. Having a business plan in mind is great, but not everything that shines is gold.

Edison was right when he said "Vision without execution is just hallucination”. Even if you have a stellar business idea, you don’t become a millionaire overnight. And you certainly don’t become one with a sloppy business plan.

After years of explaining to my proteges what I want to see in their business plans, I've come up with a solution to spare myself from this atrocity. Today, I'll tell you what I absolutely do not want in a business plan. Since I have so much to say on this topic, let's get into it right away!

1. The “We’ll Be the Next Facebook, but Different” Plan

No investor wants to hear about your vague, unoriginal vision that solely relies on outpacing tech giants. That too with ideas that barely even qualify as different. Slapping one or two additional features onto an existing business plan doesn’t qualify as innovation. Even Meta with all its resources couldn’t completely nail it with Threads. Their launch saw a 82% drop in daily active users within weeks, proving that hype alone doesn’t equal success.

2. The "Market Size is XYZ, So If We Just Get 1%..." Plan

Sorry to burst your bubble, but delusional business plans are far from reality. Novice entrepreneurs think their business’ success is just a mathematical calculation. “If there are 20.38 million people in Karachi, and just 1% of them buy our product at 1 Rupees, that would amount to Rs 203800!”

Your actual addressable market is almost never the entire population. Not everyone needs or wants your product, no matter how revolutionary you think it is. And even if they did, reaching them isn’t free. Always take marketing, distribution, and competition into account when calculating those dreamy profits. If your plan relies on oversimplified math and wishful thinking, it’s time to go back to the drawing board.

3. The "I Don't Need a Marketing Budget" Plan

"My product is so amazing that it will sell itself!" Well, unless your product cures world hunger or prints money, it’s not selling itself. Marketing is everything. If your business plan has no marketing budget or assumes that customers will just magically appear out of thin air, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Even the best products in the world need visibility. If companies like Apple, Adidas, and Coca-Cola are still investing huge chunks in marketing, what makes you think you shouldn't?

4. The “Investor Money Will Solve Everything" Plan

If your entire business plan revolves around securing investment as if it’s free money, then I’ve got some bad news for you. Investment isn’t a miracle cure for bad planning. If you can’t show that your business can survive a certain time without external funding, then you don’t have a business, you have an expensive hobby.

Investors aren’t ATMs; they’re partners. They want to see a clear path to profitability, not throw their money in a black hole where it disappears. If your plan is “get funding first, figure out the rest later,” you’re not ready for the big leagues.

5. The “I’ll Do Everything” Plan

People often claim they can handle sales, marketing, product development, customer service, and accounting, all on their own. Sorry to burst your bubble; but you can’t. And even if you could, you shouldn't.

Running a business isn’t a solo performance, it’s a team sport. If you don't include a clear outline of roles and responsibilities, you’re setting yourself up for instant failure. You might be a jack-of-all-trades, but with so much work, you’ll end up becoming a master of none.

Final Thoughts

Bad business plans piss me off because they waste time. Mine, yours, the investor’s, and everyone else’s who has to sit through them. If you’re serious about your startup, please take all the time you need to create a plan that wins investors over. Your idea might be great, but if you don't execute and deliver your business plan properly, you will get rejected. Just be realistic, be specific, and for the love of all things profit, don’t be lazy!